Napping as a Weapon

Is anything more hurtful than watching a someone's head hit the desk when you're only into minute 45 of an hour long story? I think not. Nearly always, polite embarrassment on the part of the audience will be followed with a range of applicable excuses such as, "Your voice is very soothing and it lulled me to sleep" or "I had meatloaf for lunch" or "I'm narcoleptic". The blame is then subconsciously shifted to you for not recognizing the audience's already fatigued state. This scenario is usually presented as accidental and it's impossible to prove it otherwise but I happen to believe that it is always done purposefully and with malice. And it's a brilliant move!





If a better way exists to say to someone "Oh my god, your stories are so EXQUISITELY boring that they make regular boredom feel like a hand job on a roller coaster.", without ever having to utter the words, I certainly can't think of one. And if you're able to cram a few genuine "Z"s in there without the storyteller noticing, you can reserve energy for the next round of stupid anecdotes you have to sit through. Eventually, people will become so skittish about rendering you comatose with their blathering that they will either instinctively wrap it up or they'll attempt to dazzle you with only the choicest cuts they have to offer. Or people will just stop talking to you. Any way you slice it, it's a win/win situation. Just always come prepared with a bullet proof excuse, a convincing sorry face and some tissue to wipe up the drool and you're good to go. Now go practice this trick on your most boring friend. Knock yourself dead!